You’ve just come to the stark realization that your spouse/boyfriend has been unfaithful to you. You’re angry, hurt, surprised (or maybe not so much)-and you have a million thoughts rolling around in your brain. Do you confront him? Do you confront her? Do you say nothing at all? Depending upon the thousands of circumstances surrounding your particular situation, the end result could go in many different directions. The most common emotion that most women experience, nonetheless, is anger. And a woman scorned is one of the most dangerous people you could ever run across. You may be entertaining any number of revenge tactics, hoping to find that bit of satisfaction you feel you deserve. There are in fact, quite a few common responses to the discovery of infidelity-most of which have disastrous results. If you’re entertaining any of these, you might want to think twice.
“Attacking” the Other Woman
Let’s just say that the identity of the other woman has been revealed to you. Some women are eager to get their hands on this information in order to give the “home wrecker” a piece of their mind. If you’ve watched any amount of daytime television-especially court TV shows, then you’ll realize that this idea is very rarely a good one. Scorned lovers often feel compelled to confront the other woman, argue (or fight) with her, and/or damage her property-just to make a point. But by doing so, you’ve immediately revealed to the world that you have no control-not over your mate and his lover-or yourself. Why This Never Works: A lack of self-control could not only land you in jail or court, but will ultimately cause you to feel worse about yourself and the situation as a whole. Clearly, retaliation against the other party leads to nothing but a loss of dignity.
Quiet Retaliation (Against Boyfriend)
Perhaps you’ve decided to say nothing to your mate about his indiscretion. Some women feel better about keeping the discovery to themselves to quietly handle the situation. A number of married women who aren’t quite ready to embrace the idea of divorce would rather make their husband’s lives miserable-instead of broaching the subject head on. Making family plans at the last minute, hiding personal items, and even popping up at unexpected places are tactics that some wives might use to derail their husband’s cheating. They would rather attempt to thwart his extramarital plans as a replacement for a messy confrontation. Why This Never Works: If your mate wants to see his lover, he will. And no amount of snooping or quiet manipulation will change that. Furthermore, you will eventually find it exhausting to try and keep up with his activities. And the affair will continue. In essence, anything you do to make your husband/mate miserable, will consequently cause you to feel just as bad in the long run.
“Not So Quiet” Boyfriend Retaliation
Some women skip the other woman all together and attack their men, verbally or otherwise. Things can often spiral way out of control. You’ve heard it all before: woman slashes his tires, rips or damages his clothing, smears his name on the Internet…this list is practically endless. This “not-so-quiet” retaliation is usually a trigger-haired response to a buildup of anger and pain. Why This Never Works: The desire to lash out against someone who hurt you is natural. When men talk about their “crazy ex-girlfriends”-this is the behavior that they’re referring to. If you’re resorting to extremes to get his attention, you’ll find yourself with nothing more than a restraining order.
Secret Revenge Affair(s)
This is perhaps the most popular revenge tactic of all time. You find out that your husband has been having an affair. Maybe you’ve confronted him; maybe you haven’t. Perhaps the two of you have even decided to try and make things work. But some wives have a difficult time moving forward. A string of “I’m Sorrys” and bouquets of flowers simply aren’t enough. Thus, the revenge affair starts to look pretty enticing. It may start out as simple flirting at first-just to see if you’ve still got it. But before you know it, a full-fledged fling has transpired. And it doesn’t even have to be physical. It could be series of phone sex calls on one of free chat lines where people hook up without meeting. As women are typically better at keeping these things discreet, the husband may never find out. Why This Never Works: Most women say, “What a husband doesn’t know, won’t hurt him.” And to an extent, they’re right. In other words, women who keep they’re own affairs under wraps are never really resolving anything. They may relish the fact that they have more information than their mates. But a man who is oblivious to his wife’s indiscretions will continue to betray her-and feel victorious in doing so. In the end-no one really wins.